“Fiercely independent”. These two words can be quite disastrous on a
woman’s dating profile. Similarly, “A little laidback and easy-going”
on a guy’s profile can be quite a turn-off. But the truth of the
matter is that both sexes are going through transitions. Women are
asserting themselves, mind you, not as a challenge to the opposite
sex, but rather as an evolutionary re-balancing. And men are not
always pressurized to bring their macho and ‘protector’ self to the
front to woo their counterpart.
As these changes take effect, it is getting increasingly difficult to
find the ‘right’ partner. Successful women often find themselves alone
at the top as no man wants to be seen as their ‘man servant’ , and men
who are un-ambitious fail to attract women, because at some level,
women still need someone ‘to look after them’. Divorce rates are
increasing around us and men and women continue to look for ‘the one’
well into their 30s.
So what should you do to find your partner, in the new scheme of things?
What both the sexes need is to adjust and realign to the new
relationship paradigm. Women don’t need men to ‘protect’ them or
provide for them financially. But emotionally, that’s a different
story. In that respect women still need their man to ‘protect’ them
and take care of them. As for men, they might be slowly shedding their
macho self, but women need to make sure that they stoke fire of the
male ego once in a while to keep the balance going.
Men should find the right balance: appreciate their partner as they
assert their independence, but be by their side when they need
support. As for women, they should be truly ‘ok’ and even supportive
if their partner isn’t ‘too manly’ in the traditional sense and
maintain the relationship by doing things that help keep the balance.
In the new scheme of things, men and women should each be aware of the
changes taking place, empathize with the opposite sex and play their
part so as to build a relationship based on true understanding, care,
trust and love.
Share your comments
Monday, August 8, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Little Acts of Love
Sometimes the monotony of life can suck you deep into its vortex of
routine. And before you know it, it replaces passionate moments with
quick cursory hugs, or a fleeting peck on the cheek or lips or a
slight pat on the backside. And that’s it. Your spouse has turned into
a roommate. And it gets worse when neither of you begins to notice the
change or worse still, mind it. But unfortunately, this might just be
the beginning of the end of healthy relationships. So, if you’ve
sensed it creep in ever so slowly in your lives, it’s time you take
some corrective actions.
Here are some tips.
If you are the couple who likes to hug before you leave for work or
meet at the end of the day, here’s what you need to do. The next time
you hug, surprise your spouse by giving him (or her) a tighter squeeze
during the hug. Or when you know the regular hug time is up, just hold
in there for a wee bit longer. Or start swaying ever so lightly and
run your hand behind his (or her) back sensuously. And when it is time
to part, cup your spouse’s side of the cheek in your palm and give a
warm smile.
If you are the couple whose passionate lip locks have been reduced to
quick pecks here’s what you can try the next time your spouse leans in
for the peck. In one sweep of the arms lock your spouse into an
embrace. And surprise him (or her) by parting your lips ever so
lightly. This might take your spouse by surprise, a pleasant one of
course. And it’ll turn your rather fleeting and shallow peck into a
passionate and deep kiss.
If the rot to the routine has crept further down and reduced your
physical contact to light taps on the shoulder, back or derriere,
here’s what you do.
The next time your hand moves up for a tap on the shoulder or back,
let your hand linger a little longer; you’ll see how this
automatically turns into a hug. If it’s a pat on the derriere, you
could try a risqué squeeze, to the mild surprise of your spouse.
As lovers you might have locked fingers and arms while walking on the
road, but as couples for several years you might find it embarrassing
to do such a thing. Get back a little of the romance by surprising
your spouse. The next time you’re walking together, lace your fingers
sensuously or lean on his arm!
Physical relationship is not about sex alone, small acts that show you
love and care play an important role in relationships. So go ahead and
show how much you love your spouse!
Share with us how you got some love sparks back into your life.
routine. And before you know it, it replaces passionate moments with
quick cursory hugs, or a fleeting peck on the cheek or lips or a
slight pat on the backside. And that’s it. Your spouse has turned into
a roommate. And it gets worse when neither of you begins to notice the
change or worse still, mind it. But unfortunately, this might just be
the beginning of the end of healthy relationships. So, if you’ve
sensed it creep in ever so slowly in your lives, it’s time you take
some corrective actions.
Here are some tips.
If you are the couple who likes to hug before you leave for work or
meet at the end of the day, here’s what you need to do. The next time
you hug, surprise your spouse by giving him (or her) a tighter squeeze
during the hug. Or when you know the regular hug time is up, just hold
in there for a wee bit longer. Or start swaying ever so lightly and
run your hand behind his (or her) back sensuously. And when it is time
to part, cup your spouse’s side of the cheek in your palm and give a
warm smile.
If you are the couple whose passionate lip locks have been reduced to
quick pecks here’s what you can try the next time your spouse leans in
for the peck. In one sweep of the arms lock your spouse into an
embrace. And surprise him (or her) by parting your lips ever so
lightly. This might take your spouse by surprise, a pleasant one of
course. And it’ll turn your rather fleeting and shallow peck into a
passionate and deep kiss.
If the rot to the routine has crept further down and reduced your
physical contact to light taps on the shoulder, back or derriere,
here’s what you do.
The next time your hand moves up for a tap on the shoulder or back,
let your hand linger a little longer; you’ll see how this
automatically turns into a hug. If it’s a pat on the derriere, you
could try a risqué squeeze, to the mild surprise of your spouse.
As lovers you might have locked fingers and arms while walking on the
road, but as couples for several years you might find it embarrassing
to do such a thing. Get back a little of the romance by surprising
your spouse. The next time you’re walking together, lace your fingers
sensuously or lean on his arm!
Physical relationship is not about sex alone, small acts that show you
love and care play an important role in relationships. So go ahead and
show how much you love your spouse!
Share with us how you got some love sparks back into your life.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Dress to charm
They say clothes maketh the man and it couldn’t be truer when you are
going to meet your potential life partner for the first time. You
might think, “But these are common sense stuff, you can’t possibly go
wrong with it”, but believe me, and I’m talking through experience,
clients have come back with “I found her dressing too loud, I’m not
sure I want to be with a person like that” or “He dresses quite
sloppily, so I’m not sure...” A lot of people on the other hand want
to say: “This is me. Take it or leave it.” Unfortunately with such an
attitude you might end up living with a body pillow or just your
mirror for companion.
Face it. Physical attraction does matter and what you wear speaks
volumes about your personality, or the vibes that you are giving out
to the person sitting opposite. Besides dressing well and sharp
indicates respect, good social skills and helps you stay sharp and
focused.
First impressions are the last, so make sure your first impression is
the best by dressing right. Here are some tips.
Dressing for the occasion
Wear clothes for the occasion. If you are meeting your date in a
swanky and classy place, don’t wear t-shirts or capris. Go formal. If
you are meeting at a coffee place, make sure you don’t turn up in a
tie or a heavy kancheevram sari. Do your homework of the place and
wear clothes that match the venue. Also keep the weather in mind,
shivering in a slinky sleeveless dress in winter or sweating in a suit
in summer might indicate that you don’t judge too well.
Don’t forget the right footwear. Wear footwear that matches your
clothes, not floaters with formals or kohlapuris with a western skirt.
Also make sure you’re comfortable in your footwear, you never know if
an occasion to take a small stroll in the neighborhood park presents
itself!
A well-coordinated outfit right from hair-do, make-up, clothes,
accessories and shoes indicates that you pay attention to details and
that you take everything into account.
Dress according to your body
A potential partner might not necessarily dismiss you if you are fat or
too thin, but there is a good chance he / she might be offended if he
sees flesh pouring out of your clothes or worse still a butt crack.
Wear clothes that suit your body type.
Dress in comfortable clothing
It doesn’t help if you keep adjusting your clothes or fidgeting in
a tight pair of new squeaky shoes. If you are uncomfortable in your
dress, you will not be able to focus on the conversation. So make sure
you are comfortable in your dress, so you can focus on enjoying the
date.
Grooming
Make sure you make a visit to the parlour or the barber before your
date. Shape your eyebrows, shave clean or trim your moustache or beard
or have a haircut. Hair coming out ears or peeping from your nostrils
can be such a put off. So make sure you’ve taken care of these small
but important details.
Be careful with your make-up. Loud make-up can be a real turn off as
can be smelly underarms. Make sure your make up enhances your
personality rather than being a painted face and put the right amount
of perfume. Just because it’s your first date doesn’t mean you’ll
empty your deo or perfume bottle, (ads notwithstanding). A strong
perfume trailing your every move can be quite nauseating.
Before stepping out, check in the mirror or ask a friend how you look.
Right dressing is only the first step, follow this with good listening
skills, appropriate manners and social graces, engaging conversation
and a dash of humor.
Feel free to share more dressing tips and experiences with us.
going to meet your potential life partner for the first time. You
might think, “But these are common sense stuff, you can’t possibly go
wrong with it”, but believe me, and I’m talking through experience,
clients have come back with “I found her dressing too loud, I’m not
sure I want to be with a person like that” or “He dresses quite
sloppily, so I’m not sure...” A lot of people on the other hand want
to say: “This is me. Take it or leave it.” Unfortunately with such an
attitude you might end up living with a body pillow or just your
mirror for companion.
Face it. Physical attraction does matter and what you wear speaks
volumes about your personality, or the vibes that you are giving out
to the person sitting opposite. Besides dressing well and sharp
indicates respect, good social skills and helps you stay sharp and
focused.
First impressions are the last, so make sure your first impression is
the best by dressing right. Here are some tips.
Dressing for the occasion
Wear clothes for the occasion. If you are meeting your date in a
swanky and classy place, don’t wear t-shirts or capris. Go formal. If
you are meeting at a coffee place, make sure you don’t turn up in a
tie or a heavy kancheevram sari. Do your homework of the place and
wear clothes that match the venue. Also keep the weather in mind,
shivering in a slinky sleeveless dress in winter or sweating in a suit
in summer might indicate that you don’t judge too well.
Don’t forget the right footwear. Wear footwear that matches your
clothes, not floaters with formals or kohlapuris with a western skirt.
Also make sure you’re comfortable in your footwear, you never know if
an occasion to take a small stroll in the neighborhood park presents
itself!
A well-coordinated outfit right from hair-do, make-up, clothes,
accessories and shoes indicates that you pay attention to details and
that you take everything into account.
Dress according to your body
A potential partner might not necessarily dismiss you if you are fat or
too thin, but there is a good chance he / she might be offended if he
sees flesh pouring out of your clothes or worse still a butt crack.
Wear clothes that suit your body type.
Dress in comfortable clothing
It doesn’t help if you keep adjusting your clothes or fidgeting in
a tight pair of new squeaky shoes. If you are uncomfortable in your
dress, you will not be able to focus on the conversation. So make sure
you are comfortable in your dress, so you can focus on enjoying the
date.
Grooming
Make sure you make a visit to the parlour or the barber before your
date. Shape your eyebrows, shave clean or trim your moustache or beard
or have a haircut. Hair coming out ears or peeping from your nostrils
can be such a put off. So make sure you’ve taken care of these small
but important details.
Be careful with your make-up. Loud make-up can be a real turn off as
can be smelly underarms. Make sure your make up enhances your
personality rather than being a painted face and put the right amount
of perfume. Just because it’s your first date doesn’t mean you’ll
empty your deo or perfume bottle, (ads notwithstanding). A strong
perfume trailing your every move can be quite nauseating.
Before stepping out, check in the mirror or ask a friend how you look.
Right dressing is only the first step, follow this with good listening
skills, appropriate manners and social graces, engaging conversation
and a dash of humor.
Feel free to share more dressing tips and experiences with us.
Friday, April 29, 2011
…and they lived happily ever after
As the fairytale royal wedding gets underway after 30 years, millions are expected to watch Prince Williams and Kate Middleton exchange wows. And among them will be thousands of women wishing it was their turn to walk down the aisle and exchange wows with their prince charming.
Pause here and take a hard look. Prince Williams is marrying a commoner. And I’m sure – love apart – there must be other practical reasons for marrying each other too. Maybe for her security (and that too royal ;-)), and maybe for him someone who doesn’t come with all the royal trappings. It just goes to show that in life, unlike fairytales, things don’t come with neat pink bows all gift-wrapped.
People marry for all sorts of reasons, even as practical as “I think she will be great at juggling both career and home” and “I like the way he plays with children, he’ll make a caring father”.
Unfortunately, (and this trend is more in women than in men) women continue to wait for the perfect guy to come along and sweep them off their feet, only to realise that there is no prince charming -- handsome, with all the qualities, graces and sophistication of a true-blue prince, and the money to go with it. It’s a myth and just in fairytales.
If you continue to look at life with rose-tinted glasses, you’ll be in for some rude shocks. There are no true-blue princes or princesses for that matter. So maybe you should stop waiting for the ‘perfect guy’ and settle for the ‘good enough’ guy and make it work together.
Many women reject a man because he’s balding, he’s too short or he has an accent, but hey, he might be the next best thing to price charming, if you give him a chance! Many men might reject a girl because she’s too bold or too homely, but hey, if you give her a chance, you’ll see how perfectly she understands you.
In this world of instant-fundas, both genders want the perfect partner instantly. And it might work if you at least give that person a chance, even if he or she doesn’t score perfect tens in your criteria list! Also, couples are too quick to conclude that there was ‘no connection’ in their first meeting – an idea fed by mushy, romantic movies, again. But most of the times, you need to even ‘give time’ for that connection to happen. It’s not instant.
So my advice is, you can meet the person who is – not the perfect guy – but perfect for you, if you are willing to: a) give a person a decent chance, get to know him / her beyond looks or habits and b) go for a ‘good enough’ partner instead of waiting for eternity (or 100 years as in Sleeping Beauty) for prince charming to come on a white horse. You can give yourself a chance to live happily ever after, with patience, understanding and some empathy.
…And here’s hoping Prince William and Kate Middleton work towards living happily ever after!
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