Seek out the people who seek you

I would like to continue from my previous blog “Why can’t I find someone?”

It’s strange how sometimes you find yourself in the trap of: those you seek don’t want you or you don’t want the people who seek you! Strange isn’t it. So, are you attracting the wrong people or maybe you’re attracted to the wrong people. 

Now when you look closely at this conundrum, ask yourself, “What can I do about it?”

Well, the first thing is to be one list of the people who want you and steer clear from the people who you don’t want. Easier said than done? So how do you do it?

Most often, we would try and change the person who we like or seek, and who probably doesn’t share the same feelings. We would argue with him/her and try and convince him/her why we’re the best and why we’re made for each other, etc. But oh, it’s so futile! 

Trying to change someone is like trying to change the color of the sky. 

It’s impossible. Accept the fact; it can’t be done. 

But what you can do is change yourself. Change your thinking. Most importantly, change the idea of who you think your ideal partner should be. 

But hey, not every guy can earn a fat salary and not every woman is slim, fair and beautiful! Many times we would think that a person of a certain status, certain looks or earnings or having the perfect figure might be the ONE. You could show off the person amongst your friends and peers and feel good about it and society will say, “Oh, what a perfect couple they make!” But is that really it? Will that make you truly happy? 

When I was helping Rashmi (name changed) find a partner, we got into a discussion. Here was this guy who was the VP at a large global company, who had the looks and the social status and the money, but she wasn’t sure if he was truly interested in her, because he “Talked about himself and his achievements all the time,” said Rashmi. On the other hand, there was this guy, who was simple and average , but he was warm and made her feel nice made her laugh and he was genuinely interested in her.  

But Rashmi was pursuing the VP, because he was the ideal partner she had mind. Suave and sophisticated and one she could show off to her friends and she thought she could eventually be happy with him. But the problem was he wasn’t as interested in her; he was more interested in himself.

So, I asked her, “Does he make you feel happy?” she was hesitant. And I knew why, because the heart doesn’t crave qualifications and credentials, it wants true connections. 

I advised her to seek the man who was genuinely interested in her and ditch the man she thought was ideal for her.

Yes, sometimes, changing your own perceptions or preconceived image about the ideal partner might open doors to happiness you never imagined.  

Do you agree? Share your thoughts.