The Gift of Time

“Not now, I’m really busy!”

“I don’t have time now, can we talk about this later?”

“There’s so little time, I can hardly get anything done!”

How often, and many times how conveniently we blame it on time. Our
days are so full with chores, jobs, assignments, activities, kids,
commitments and what-not that we don’t have time for the most special
person in our life – our spouse. Because, we take our spouse for
granted, thinking, “Of course, she or he will understand that I’m
‘busy!’”. But unfortunately, this simple assumption can be the
beginning of the end. It is the beginning of fights, of ‘you don’t
understand me’, ‘I’m not important enough for you’, ‘you have better
things to do’ and of course, stress and unhappiness.

Give your relationship the gift of time. That’s the least you can do.
And don’t make it up with material gifts, or chocolates or money.
Because, nothing can really replace the time you spend with your
spouse. It’s not something that can be bought or exchanged for,
financially. Giving time to your spouse shows how much you truly care.
It says, “Yes, you are important to me. You are important in my day.
You are important in my life.”
So, the next time you catch yourself giving any ‘time excuse’, stop.
Step back and ask yourself, “What is really important?” And if
something really needs your time and attention, then put it across
clearly and make a plan on how can you make it up later.

Here are some quick tips to help you give the gift of time.

•       Ask yourself, when was the last time you really spent quality time
together. If you can’t remember, you better make some time today!
•       Are the choices you’re currently making, causing harm or are they
beneficial to your relationship?
•       What are your priorities? Now and for the long-term?
•       And how do these priorities stack up vis-à-vis your spouse, your family?
•       How are you doing, in terms of giving time for yourself, your
spouse, your family? Are you doing enough? If not, what adjustments
can you make in your day to make it happen?
•       Make a list of activities that are a definite ‘no-no’ and those that
are ‘yes’.

Give the gift of time to enjoy a happier and long-lasting
relationship. Because once you’ve lost time, you can never get it
back. 

Harvey MacKay once said, “Time is free, but it's priceless. You
can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend
it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back.”

So, what are you going to do with your time today? Tell us!

I always love beginnings

One of my favourite times of the year is the ‘beginning’. Just when
spring announces its arrival with flowers in bloom, bees buzzing
busily, clear bright skies. There’s something about it: hope,
anticipation, excitement. But it’s not to do with seasons alone mind
you, it also mirrors our relationships, as we can choose to carry all
the good of the previous year and leave behind the ugly days.

The wise owl in Bambi says in spring time, “Before you know it, you
will all be twitter pated!” To which Bambi and his friends squirm and
say “Ewww! Not us!” Of course before they know it they each fall in
love – the rabbit, the skunk and Bambi, the deer himself.

Spring with all its charm is a great time to renew and enhance your
relationship. And a fantastic way to do it is by being a friend to
your spouse. Friendship enhances the relationship in a beautiful and
positive way, with the companionship, the warmth, the no-expectation
and the fun of being just friends. So if you’ve been too busy trying
to be ‘the’ wife or husband, this is the right time to throw in some
friendship too. Go out and do fun things, just like you would with
your friends. Start a hobby together, go on a trek, go for a play or
movie or just ‘hang out’ – chatting about this and that and enjoying
your ‘together’ time. Just like you make time to catch up with
friends, make time to catch up with your spouse. Soon you’ll discover
new things in your relationship; new sides of your spouse’s
personality that you never knew existed. And the best part is you’ll
be having fun all along. And before you know it, you’ll be twitter
pated all over again!

The Marrygold 2011 Story

So how was your 2011? Relationship-wise of course. Happy? Lots of fight? Better understanding? Bitter? Well, my own blog journey has had a bit of everything along with a fair dose of advice, sharing of experiences and opinions!

It all began with resolutions for your marriage, where I shared with you readers that marriage is also about hard work. Yes, it’s not a rose-petal littered path. Both partners have to work towards it. So like any resolutions, I urged couples to sit down and make their marriage resolutions for the year.

Then when I was toying with the idea for my next blog, I remembered someone telling me, “You’re taking your job too seriously”. And I wondered if people took their marriages seriously too. This also struck me as quite odd, because many of my clients comment ‘should have a sense of humor’ in their partner wish-list! So I wondered aloud about LOL in marriage.

Then in February, how could I resist not writing on the occasion that brings it all about! Valentine’s Day of course! Whether we curse it or go all mushy about it, can’t deny that it’s very much part of our lives! And when March comes, well who can forget the dreaded finances, with budget and taxes thrown in! So I guided my readers on how to bring financial success in marriage. This also got me thinking about the financial benefits of getting hitched. Well, for the records, it’s beneficial!

Every once in a while, and yes, even in an interesting job like this, I must confess I run out of ideas or simply throw my hands up with “I need a break”! Well, that’s when a guest blog comes in handy ;-). And that’s how The Awakening came about.

Then came all the frenzy of one of the most awaited events of 2011. The royal wedding! Being in the relationship business, I simply had to make the most of this anticipated event! And I followed eagerly the trials and tribulations of this fairytale wedding. And like the millions of fans I sent my best wishes to Prince Williams and Kate Middleton so they live happily ever after!

Later, quite tired of writing and doling out advise, I experimented with a short story about the myths surrounding soul mates.

The hangover of the royal wedding still clinging stubbornly and totally in love with Pippa Middleton’s dress, I decided to talk about how important dressing is to charm a potential date! Really! Just as people dress for job interviews or on special occasions, dressing and grooming for a date is a must! Basic as it may be, you’ll be surprised to know that many people do not pay much attention to their get up!

Then one day, as I sat in front of my PC, engrossed in work, my dear husband stood behind my chair and gently massaged my shoulders. Only then did I realize how tired I was and how sorely I needed a massage. It’s these little acts of love that go a long way in making a relationship worthwhile. Like the yin and yang, relationships have their bad days too, so in how to fight right I stressed on how important it is to fight right and make the best of tiffs!

It also got me thinking about how my parents managed their relationships the good moments and the tough ones. Did they do things for each other, how did they cope with fights and bouts of anger. How was it in their times vis-à-vis a more independent and demanding new age relations of today and what does it truly take to meet marriage needs.

So this is Marrygold’s blog story! Now it’s your turn to share with us your relationship stories of the year!

And here’s wishing you all a joyous and peaceful 2012 filled with love of course!!

Meeting Marriage Needs

Marriage is not easy. I don’t want to put a dent on the hopes of those
trying to get hitched, but it’s better to be honest than to feel
cheated later on. But that doesn’t mean it cannot be beautiful and
harmonious. It certainly can be and there are ways to make it happen.
It’s not a smooth ride and it requires work, but it’s possible.

People marry for various reasons and over time the priorities change
too. A guy once told his friends, “I don’t need to get married,
because I know how to cook!” You might laugh at this, but if you dig
deeper you’ll find some truth in it. If you explore it further, for
him marriage means meeting basic domestic needs. And for you it might
mean some other need.

So let’s list out some needs of marriage: love, companionship,
spiritual partnership, domestic support, financial support, need to
have a family, affection and the need to feel belonged, among others.

The first thing you must do as a partner is identify your primary
needs. You must also remember that these needs will change over time,
as you change, or as circumstances change. Next, find out what your
partner’s needs are. Once you are clear about these needs, discuss
them openly and find out how you can meet and complement each other’s
needs.

Identifying your needs is not easy either, and it needs some hard work
too. Most important is self-awareness and this comes with
self-observation, patience, and complete honesty with oneself. Once
you’ve both identified your basic needs you can work together through
open and frank communication, empathy and above all a commitment to
make it work.

They say the fruits of labour are sweet. And it’s not different in marriage.

Share your comments and views with us...

How to fight right

Relationships are fraught with misunderstandings, bickering,
arguments, big fights and mega fights. It’s not something we can
escape, because after all we are different people with different
opinions. Fights can range from the color of the bedroom wall, to not
giving enough freedom to your spouse, to who should pick up the kids
or do the dishes or about not having enough sex. There is no dearth of
conflicts!

The good news is that fights can be productive for relationships. Yes,
you read that right! In fact research shows that couples who fight
often have a more lasting and fruitful relationship compared to those
who don’t! (Ok, that doesn’t mean you’re going to pick up a fight with
your spouse once a month.) And here’s the twist, it’s how you fight
that matters.

It’s unfortunate that in fights there is more of “I’m right you’re
wrong”, instead of “let’s right the wrongs”. The cardinal mistake
couples make while fighting is to “win”, unfortunately there is no
prize for the winner, except pride…and in the long run it’s a loss,
especially if you have deal with resentment from your spouse.

So, here are some rules to help you fight right:

• Be calm, express your opinion in a calm way. Talk without “fighting”.
• Acknowledge and address the conflict as soon as possible. Don’t
allow it to go into days or fester for long.
• Give each other a fair hearing. Toss a coin and decide who goes
first. Let the person finish telling his / her side of the story
completely. Make sure that both of you clearly understand what the
person is saying. And then express your side of the story.
• If you need a break to clear the air, say so. But give a date and
time to resume the discussion, and honour it. But again, time is
crucial, don’t let it go on for more than a few days.
• Fight maturely. Never shout, blame, insult, call names, physically
injure, stomp out, or bang things. It doesn’t help in anyway. In fact,
it does more harm.
• Never rake up past fights or things that are not central to the
fight, like “No wonder, your son has turned out like you! Or all this
anger comes from your father.”
• Be less competitive and more cooperative. Learn to accept that there
are opinions that are different from yours.
• Fight with your spouse and not against him / her. Remember you’re
both on the same side.

I would like to sign off with ‘happy fighting’ ;-) instead, I’ll say
‘happy resolution’!
And don’t forget to share your conflict resolutions tactics with us!

New Age Relations

“Fiercely independent”. These two words can be quite disastrous on a
woman’s dating profile. Similarly, “A little laidback and easy-going”
on a guy’s profile can be quite a turn-off. But the truth of the
matter is that both sexes are going through transitions. Women are
asserting themselves, mind you, not as a challenge to the opposite
sex, but rather as an evolutionary re-balancing. And men are not
always pressurized to bring their macho and ‘protector’ self to the
front to woo their counterpart.

As these changes take effect, it is getting increasingly difficult to
find the ‘right’ partner. Successful women often find themselves alone
at the top as no man wants to be seen as their ‘man servant’ , and men
who are un-ambitious fail to attract women, because at some level,
women still need someone ‘to look after them’. Divorce rates are
increasing around us and men and women continue to look for ‘the one’
well into their 30s.

So what should you do to find your partner, in the new scheme of things?

What both the sexes need is to adjust and realign to the new
relationship paradigm. Women don’t need men to ‘protect’ them or
provide for them financially. But emotionally, that’s a different
story. In that respect women still need their man to ‘protect’ them
and take care of them. As for men, they might be slowly shedding their
macho self, but women need to make sure that they stoke fire of the
male ego once in a while to keep the balance going.
Men should find the right balance: appreciate their partner as they
assert their independence, but be by their side when they need
support. As for women, they should be truly ‘ok’ and even supportive
if their partner isn’t ‘too manly’ in the traditional sense and
maintain the relationship by doing things that help keep the balance.

In the new scheme of things, men and women should each be aware of the
changes taking place, empathize with the opposite sex and play their
part so as to build a relationship based on true understanding, care,
trust and love.

Share your comments

Little Acts of Love

Sometimes the monotony of life can suck you deep into its vortex of
routine. And before you know it, it replaces passionate moments with
quick cursory hugs, or a fleeting peck on the cheek or lips or a
slight pat on the backside. And that’s it. Your spouse has turned into
a roommate. And it gets worse when neither of you begins to notice the
change or worse still, mind it. But unfortunately, this might just be
the beginning of the end of healthy relationships. So, if you’ve
sensed it creep in ever so slowly in your lives, it’s time you take
some corrective actions.

Here are some tips.
If you are the couple who likes to hug before you leave for work or
meet at the end of the day, here’s what you need to do. The next time
you hug, surprise your spouse by giving him (or her) a tighter squeeze
during the hug. Or when you know the regular hug time is up, just hold
in there for a wee bit longer. Or start swaying ever so lightly and
run your hand behind his (or her) back sensuously. And when it is time
to part, cup your spouse’s side of the cheek in your palm and give a
warm smile.

If you are the couple whose passionate lip locks have been reduced to
quick pecks here’s what you can try the next time your spouse leans in
for the peck. In one sweep of the arms lock your spouse into an
embrace. And surprise him (or her) by parting your lips ever so
lightly. This might take your spouse by surprise, a pleasant one of
course. And it’ll turn your rather fleeting and shallow peck into a
passionate and deep kiss.
If the rot to the routine has crept further down and reduced your
physical contact to light taps on the shoulder, back or derriere,
here’s what you do.

The next time your hand moves up for a tap on the shoulder or back,
let your hand linger a little longer; you’ll see how this
automatically turns into a hug. If it’s a pat on the derriere, you
could try a risqué squeeze, to the mild surprise of your spouse.

As lovers you might have locked fingers and arms while walking on the
road, but as couples for several years you might find it embarrassing
to do such a thing. Get back a little of the romance by surprising
your spouse. The next time you’re walking together, lace your fingers
sensuously or lean on his arm!

Physical relationship is not about sex alone, small acts that show you
love and care play an important role in relationships. So go ahead and
show how much you love your spouse!

Share with us how you got some love sparks back into your life.