Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Changing Man?

In my last post I talked about what men want; in this post my friends ask myself, ‘But where are the MEN?’ I mean, where are the ‘men’ men? Really!

As teenagers we all fantasized the bulging bicep guy -- who bragged about lifting logs, with rough rugged looks – the likes of handsome Afghans maybe, and a careless swagger – like the eye-patched pirates. One would dream of being swept off my feet in his strong, yet caring arms, and revel in the ‘safe-from-the-word’ feeling.

Now as a wiser and less dreamy 30-something they all look around and don't see anyone.
Where are the machos? Where are the MEN? Suddenly they’ve turned into these mushy and sensitive guys.

As I dug deeper into this subject, I found out that men are becoming so called ‘feminine’ owing to a combination of several factors. The most important one being the liberalization of women and the fact that women don’t necessarily look for masculinity in a man these days. With women breaking the glass ceiling in many spheres as well as enjoying financial security (by their own means and hard work) women have stopped looking for the erstwhile qualities, read masculinity, money and the security it brings with it. What they look for in men include child-rearing qualities, as support to their emancipation as well as a man who can be useful around the house and support their wife’s ambitions.

The Wall Street Journal in an article titled: "Why Women Don't Want Macho Men" says that "Women are no longer reliant on a man's genes or jobs to ensure the health and wealth of their children, women may come to value other qualities in a mate. It may become evolutionarily adaptive to prefer men who are co-operative, communicative, caring and better parents over traditional 'manly men."

So…what do you guys think?

Sunday, October 3, 2010

What Men Want

It’s so hard to find a Man these days. A man-man you know?! Exclaimed a young friend of mine. She’s been dating for a while, but things haven’t yet ‘settled’ for her. So what is it you’re looking for? I ask her. Tall, handsome, strong. Someone who’s not afraid of crying, someone who really, ‘understands’ me. Someone who’s macho, but at the same time who can cook and look after the kids and hold me when I cry while am watching Serendipity without feeling awkward! She trailed off…

A rather tall order! I thought to myself. My friend apart, it got me thinking about what men really want. And here’s what I could come up with.

Mama’s boys. They are not called mama’s boys for nothing. Macho as they would like to portray themselves, men look for motherly qualities in women, and if something resembles their own mother, then they’ll definitely go for the relationship.
On the same note, men like femininity. But not necessarily the women who walk on the ramp, and are stick thin. They like a woman who can look sensuous in a sari or the slight ding dong swishes when a woman walks by.

Men like it short and sweet. We all know how different the two sexes are when it comes to emotions. They like to play it direct and in as little words as possible, while women tend to make it really, really complicated. It’s just that they’re wired that way. So if you want to sustain a relationship, keep all the raving and ranting and the tears for the all-girls’ party, and play it simple and direct with your man (that’s the language he understands best).
Women tend to look for a man who can ‘support’ them. It’s no different for a man, even though they might show otherwise. Women who support their man in his career, in his behavior or on any of his activities are more likely to sustain a strong relationship.

Men need to feel secure and want commitment. Experiences in your dating life might have been different. You see men changing girlfriends as quickly as their shirts. But when they are ready to settle down, they look for commitment. They want to share a home, a life.

Men don’t want to be alone. It’s a basic human tendency. We all need someone to be there for us, to love us, support us and take care of us. Despite their egos and what nots, deep down, they don’t want to be alone.

In my next post I’ll discuss the ‘changing man’.

But for now, tell me what you think men want. And I would love to hear from the MEN!