Thursday, December 22, 2011

The Marrygold 2011 Story

So how was your 2011? Relationship-wise of course. Happy? Lots of fight? Better understanding? Bitter? Well, my own blog journey has had a bit of everything along with a fair dose of advice, sharing of experiences and opinions!

It all began with resolutions for your marriage, where I shared with you readers that marriage is also about hard work. Yes, it’s not a rose-petal littered path. Both partners have to work towards it. So like any resolutions, I urged couples to sit down and make their marriage resolutions for the year.

Then when I was toying with the idea for my next blog, I remembered someone telling me, “You’re taking your job too seriously”. And I wondered if people took their marriages seriously too. This also struck me as quite odd, because many of my clients comment ‘should have a sense of humor’ in their partner wish-list! So I wondered aloud about LOL in marriage.

Then in February, how could I resist not writing on the occasion that brings it all about! Valentine’s Day of course! Whether we curse it or go all mushy about it, can’t deny that it’s very much part of our lives! And when March comes, well who can forget the dreaded finances, with budget and taxes thrown in! So I guided my readers on how to bring financial success in marriage. This also got me thinking about the financial benefits of getting hitched. Well, for the records, it’s beneficial!

Every once in a while, and yes, even in an interesting job like this, I must confess I run out of ideas or simply throw my hands up with “I need a break”! Well, that’s when a guest blog comes in handy ;-). And that’s how The Awakening came about.

Then came all the frenzy of one of the most awaited events of 2011. The royal wedding! Being in the relationship business, I simply had to make the most of this anticipated event! And I followed eagerly the trials and tribulations of this fairytale wedding. And like the millions of fans I sent my best wishes to Prince Williams and Kate Middleton so they live happily ever after!

Later, quite tired of writing and doling out advise, I experimented with a short story about the myths surrounding soul mates.

The hangover of the royal wedding still clinging stubbornly and totally in love with Pippa Middleton’s dress, I decided to talk about how important dressing is to charm a potential date! Really! Just as people dress for job interviews or on special occasions, dressing and grooming for a date is a must! Basic as it may be, you’ll be surprised to know that many people do not pay much attention to their get up!

Then one day, as I sat in front of my PC, engrossed in work, my dear husband stood behind my chair and gently massaged my shoulders. Only then did I realize how tired I was and how sorely I needed a massage. It’s these little acts of love that go a long way in making a relationship worthwhile. Like the yin and yang, relationships have their bad days too, so in how to fight right I stressed on how important it is to fight right and make the best of tiffs!

It also got me thinking about how my parents managed their relationships the good moments and the tough ones. Did they do things for each other, how did they cope with fights and bouts of anger. How was it in their times vis-à-vis a more independent and demanding new age relations of today and what does it truly take to meet marriage needs.

So this is Marrygold’s blog story! Now it’s your turn to share with us your relationship stories of the year!

And here’s wishing you all a joyous and peaceful 2012 filled with love of course!!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Meeting Marriage Needs

Marriage is not easy. I don’t want to put a dent on the hopes of those
trying to get hitched, but it’s better to be honest than to feel
cheated later on. But that doesn’t mean it cannot be beautiful and
harmonious. It certainly can be and there are ways to make it happen.
It’s not a smooth ride and it requires work, but it’s possible.

People marry for various reasons and over time the priorities change
too. A guy once told his friends, “I don’t need to get married,
because I know how to cook!” You might laugh at this, but if you dig
deeper you’ll find some truth in it. If you explore it further, for
him marriage means meeting basic domestic needs. And for you it might
mean some other need.

So let’s list out some needs of marriage: love, companionship,
spiritual partnership, domestic support, financial support, need to
have a family, affection and the need to feel belonged, among others.

The first thing you must do as a partner is identify your primary
needs. You must also remember that these needs will change over time,
as you change, or as circumstances change. Next, find out what your
partner’s needs are. Once you are clear about these needs, discuss
them openly and find out how you can meet and complement each other’s

Identifying your needs is not easy either, and it needs some hard work
too. Most important is self-awareness and this comes with
self-observation, patience, and complete honesty with oneself. Once
you’ve both identified your basic needs you can work together through
open and frank communication, empathy and above all a commitment to
make it work.

They say the fruits of labour are sweet. And it’s not different in marriage.

Share your comments and views with us...

Thursday, September 15, 2011

How to fight right

Relationships are fraught with misunderstandings, bickering,
arguments, big fights and mega fights. It’s not something we can
escape, because after all we are different people with different
opinions. Fights can range from the color of the bedroom wall, to not
giving enough freedom to your spouse, to who should pick up the kids
or do the dishes or about not having enough sex. There is no dearth of

The good news is that fights can be productive for relationships. Yes,
you read that right! In fact research shows that couples who fight
often have a more lasting and fruitful relationship compared to those
who don’t! (Ok, that doesn’t mean you’re going to pick up a fight with
your spouse once a month.) And here’s the twist, it’s how you fight
that matters.

It’s unfortunate that in fights there is more of “I’m right you’re
wrong”, instead of “let’s right the wrongs”. The cardinal mistake
couples make while fighting is to “win”, unfortunately there is no
prize for the winner, except pride…and in the long run it’s a loss,
especially if you have deal with resentment from your spouse.

So, here are some rules to help you fight right:

• Be calm, express your opinion in a calm way. Talk without “fighting”.
• Acknowledge and address the conflict as soon as possible. Don’t
allow it to go into days or fester for long.
• Give each other a fair hearing. Toss a coin and decide who goes
first. Let the person finish telling his / her side of the story
completely. Make sure that both of you clearly understand what the
person is saying. And then express your side of the story.
• If you need a break to clear the air, say so. But give a date and
time to resume the discussion, and honour it. But again, time is
crucial, don’t let it go on for more than a few days.
• Fight maturely. Never shout, blame, insult, call names, physically
injure, stomp out, or bang things. It doesn’t help in anyway. In fact,
it does more harm.
• Never rake up past fights or things that are not central to the
fight, like “No wonder, your son has turned out like you! Or all this
anger comes from your father.”
• Be less competitive and more cooperative. Learn to accept that there
are opinions that are different from yours.
• Fight with your spouse and not against him / her. Remember you’re
both on the same side.

I would like to sign off with ‘happy fighting’ ;-) instead, I’ll say
‘happy resolution’!
And don’t forget to share your conflict
resolutions tactics with us!

Monday, August 8, 2011

New Age Relations

“Fiercely independent”. These two words can be quite disastrous on a
woman’s dating profile. Similarly, “A little laidback and easy-going”
on a guy’s profile can be quite a turn-off. But the truth of the
matter is that both sexes are going through transitions. Women are
asserting themselves, mind you, not as a challenge to the opposite
sex, but rather as an evolutionary re-balancing. And men are not
always pressurized to bring their macho and ‘protector’ self to the
front to woo their counterpart.

As these changes take effect, it is getting increasingly difficult to
find the ‘right’ partner. Successful women often find themselves alone
at the top as no man wants to be seen as their ‘man servant’ , and men
who are un-ambitious fail to attract women, because at some level,
women still need someone ‘to look after them’. Divorce rates are
increasing around us and men and women continue to look for ‘the one’
well into their 30s.

So what should you do to find your partner, in the new scheme of things?

What both the sexes need is to adjust and realign to the new
relationship paradigm. Women don’t need men to ‘protect’ them or
provide for them financially. But emotionally, that’s a different
story. In that respect women still need their man to ‘protect’ them
and take care of them. As for men, they might be slowly shedding their
macho self, but women need to make sure that they stoke fire of the
male ego once in a while to keep the balance going.
Men should find the right balance: appreciate their partner as they
assert their independence, but be by their side when they need
support. As for women, they should be truly ‘ok’ and even supportive
if their partner isn’t ‘too manly’ in the traditional sense and
maintain the relationship by doing things that help keep the balance.

In the new scheme of things, men and women should each be aware of the
changes taking place, empathize with the opposite sex and play their
part so as to build a relationship based on true understanding, care,
trust and love.

Share your comments

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Little Acts of Love

Sometimes the monotony of life can suck you deep into its vortex of
routine. And before you know it, it replaces passionate moments with
quick cursory hugs, or a fleeting peck on the cheek or lips or a
slight pat on the backside. And that’s it. Your spouse has turned into
a roommate. And it gets worse when neither of you begins to notice the
change or worse still, mind it. But unfortunately, this might just be
the beginning of the end of healthy relationships. So, if you’ve
sensed it creep in ever so slowly in your lives, it’s time you take
some corrective actions.

Here are some tips.

If you are the couple who likes to hug before you leave for work or
meet at the end of the day, here’s what you need to do. The next time
you hug, surprise your spouse by giving him (or her) a tighter squeeze
during the hug. Or when you know the regular hug time is up, just hold
in there for a wee bit longer. Or start swaying ever so lightly and
run your hand behind his (or her) back sensuously. And when it is time
to part, cup your spouse’s side of the cheek in your palm and give a
warm smile.

If you are the couple whose passionate lip locks have been reduced to
quick pecks here’s what you can try the next time your spouse leans in
for the peck. In one sweep of the arms lock your spouse into an
embrace. And surprise him (or her) by parting your lips ever so
lightly. This might take your spouse by surprise, a pleasant one of
course. And it’ll turn your rather fleeting and shallow peck into a
passionate and deep kiss.
If the rot to the routine has crept further down and reduced your
physical contact to light taps on the shoulder, back or derriere,
here’s what you do.

The next time your hand moves up for a tap on the shoulder or back,
let your hand linger a little longer; you’ll see how this
automatically turns into a hug. If it’s a pat on the derriere, you
could try a risqué squeeze, to the mild surprise of your spouse.

As lovers you might have locked fingers and arms while walking on the
road, but as couples for several years you might find it embarrassing
to do such a thing. Get back a little of the romance by surprising
your spouse. The next time you’re walking together, lace your fingers
sensuously or lean on his arm!

Physical relationship is not about sex alone, small acts that show you
love and care play an important role in relationships. So go ahead and
show how much you love your spouse!

Share with us how you got some love sparks back into your life.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Dress to charm

They say clothes maketh the man and it couldn’t be truer when you are
going to meet your potential life partner for the first time. You
might think, “But these are common sense stuff, you can’t possibly go
wrong with it”, but believe me, and I’m talking through experience,
clients have come back with “I found her dressing too loud, I’m not
sure I want to be with a person like that” or “He dresses quite
sloppily, so I’m not sure...” A lot of people on the other hand want
to say: “This is me. Take it or leave it.” Unfortunately with such an
attitude you might end up living with a body pillow or just your
mirror for companion.

Face it. Physical attraction does matter and what you wear speaks
volumes about your personality, or the vibes that you are giving out
to the person sitting opposite. Besides dressing well and sharp
indicates respect, good social skills and helps you stay sharp and

First impressions are the last, so make sure your first impression is
the best by dressing right. Here are some tips.

Dressing for the occasion

Wear clothes for the occasion. If you are meeting your date in a
swanky and classy place, don’t wear t-shirts or capris. Go formal. If
you are meeting at a coffee place, make sure you don’t turn up in a
tie or a heavy kancheevram sari. Do your homework of the place and
wear clothes that match the venue. Also keep the weather in mind,
shivering in a slinky sleeveless dress in winter or sweating in a suit
in summer might indicate that you don’t judge too well.

Don’t forget the right footwear. Wear footwear that matches your
clothes, not floaters with formals or kohlapuris with a western skirt.
Also make sure you’re comfortable in your footwear, you never know if
an occasion to take a small stroll in the neighborhood park presents

A well-coordinated outfit right from hair-do, make-up, clothes,
accessories and shoes indicates that you pay attention to details and
that you take everything into account.

Dress according to your body

A potential partner might not necessarily dismiss you if you are fat or
too thin, but there is a good chance he / she might be offended if he
sees flesh pouring out of your clothes or worse still a butt crack.
Wear clothes that suit your body type.

Dress in comfortable clothing

It doesn’t help if you keep adjusting your clothes or fidgeting in
a tight pair of new squeaky shoes. If you are uncomfortable in your
dress, you will not be able to focus on the conversation. So make sure
you are comfortable in your dress, so you can focus on enjoying the

Make sure you make a visit to the parlour or the barber before your
date. Shape your eyebrows, shave clean or trim your moustache or beard
or have a haircut. Hair coming out ears or peeping from your nostrils
can be such a put off. So make sure you’ve taken care of these small
but important details.

Be careful with your make-up. Loud make-up can be a real turn off as
can be smelly underarms. Make sure your make up enhances your
personality rather than being a painted face and put the right amount
of perfume. Just because it’s your first date doesn’t mean you’ll
empty your deo or perfume bottle, (ads notwithstanding). A strong
perfume trailing your every move can be quite nauseating.

Before stepping out, check in the mirror or ask a friend how you look.

Right dressing is only the first step, follow this with good listening
skills, appropriate manners and social graces, engaging conversation
and a dash of humor.

Feel free to share more dressing tips and experiences with us.

Friday, April 29, 2011

…and they lived happily ever after

As the fairytale royal wedding gets underway after 30 years, millions are expected to watch Prince Williams and Kate Middleton exchange wows. And among them will be thousands of women wishing it was their turn to walk down the aisle and exchange wows with their prince charming.

Pause here and take a hard look. Prince Williams is marrying a commoner. And I’m sure – love apart – there must be other practical reasons for marrying each other too. Maybe for her security (and that too royal ;-)), and maybe for him someone who doesn’t come with all the royal trappings. It just goes to show that in life, unlike fairytales, things don’t come with neat pink bows all gift-wrapped.

People marry for all sorts of reasons, even as practical as “I think she will be great at juggling both career and home” and “I like the way he plays with children, he’ll make a caring father”.

Unfortunately, (and this trend is more in women than in men) women continue to wait for the perfect guy to come along and sweep them off their feet, only to realise that there is no prince charming -- handsome, with all the qualities, graces and sophistication of a true-blue prince, and the money to go with it. It’s a myth and just in fairytales.

If you continue to look at life with rose-tinted glasses, you’ll be in for some rude shocks. There are no true-blue princes or princesses for that matter. So maybe you should stop waiting for the ‘perfect guy’ and settle for the ‘good enough’ guy and make it work together.

Many women reject a man because he’s balding, he’s too short or he has an accent, but hey, he might be the next best thing to price charming, if you give him a chance! Many men might reject a girl because she’s too bold or too homely, but hey, if you give her a chance, you’ll see how perfectly she understands you.

In this world of instant-fundas, both genders want the perfect partner instantly. And it might work if you at least give that person a chance, even if he or she doesn’t score perfect tens in your criteria list! Also, couples are too quick to conclude that there was ‘no connection’ in their first meeting – an idea fed by mushy, romantic movies, again. But most of the times, you need to even ‘give time’ for that connection to happen. It’s not instant.

So my advice is, you can meet the person who is – not the perfect guy – but perfect for you, if you are willing to: a) give a person a decent chance, get to know him / her beyond looks or habits and b) go for a ‘good enough’ partner instead of waiting for eternity (or 100 years as in Sleeping Beauty) for prince charming to come on a white horse. You can give yourself a chance to live happily ever after, with patience, understanding and some empathy.

…And here’s hoping Prince William and Kate Middleton work towards living happily ever after!