Monday, May 13, 2013

Why can’t I find someone?

When I met Deepa (name changed) for the first time, the first question
I asked myself, being a match-maker notwithstanding was, “How come she
hasn’t found anyone yet?” And the first question she asked me was the
same: “Why can’t I find someone?” She was smart, beautiful and
sweet-natured, in short a very marriageable person. And yet, here she
was, unmarried and in her late thirties.

In the years following my first meeting with Deepa, I have
increasingly come across men and women, who seem most eligible, and
yet ask me this question: Why can’t I find someone? You sure can,
especially in a land of 1.2 billion people! You just have to look in
the right direction and be a little bit open about willing to find
that someone and also be ready to change your perception of love,
dating, and marriage.

I keep telling my clients, if you want to find someone, you have to
first a) be open to dating and meeting people and not dismiss someone
because he’s too short of she wears specks; and b) be willing to
change your perception about marriage; even as people want to get
married, very often, and at the back of their mind, they find marriage

For dating and meeting new people, you have to first be open and more
importantly, patient. The prince/princess on a white horse is only a nice
dream, now wake up and smell the coffee. Be open and ‘no’ it’s not a
show of desperation if you’re seeking someone. It’s only natural. And
if you’re going to be neutral in your attitude, your prince might
never show up. Be proactive. And more important, be ready to work at
it. If someone is being nice to you in the office, respond to the
niceness. Make an effort. If a decent guy gives you a phone number or
asks for yours at a bar, don’t be shy. More importantly, don’t judge
the person on your first date, tempting and easy as it may be. Give
each other some time. Don’t give up easily.

Now, coming to marriage, just because your cousin or your aunt is
unhappy with his or her married life, doesn’t mean you’re not meant
for marriage. Some people, while they want to get married, argue that
marriage can be a constraint. Women feel that they might be at the
mercy of the demands of their husbands and in-laws, while men might
argue that they don’t want to think twice if they want to spend
evenings out with friends or like the idea of someone else staking
claim on their hard earned money.

If you’re going to find faults with marriage, or find it unpleasant,
it’s unlikely you’re ever going to find anyone to marry. On the other
hand, marriage is not a bed of roses either. There will be thorns, but
if you and your spouse can mind these thorns or even be ready to pluck
them out, it can be all the good things you want it to be. But yes, it
needs work. And yes, from both parties.

So now when someone asks me, “Why can’t I find someone?” I say, “I can
find you someone provided you help me by being open to meeting new
people and by focusing on all the great things that marriage be.

Share your thoughts!


  1. Awesomeness....You rock! I totally agree.

  2. Its tiring to meet people and get disappointed eacyh time.. how do u deal with attitudes that r hard to handle.I mean this guy who says i am looking for an independent girl n all that but in the next few days the conversation goes.... this is what is expected out of u by parents. then the next day says .. im skeptical about this already since i asked him a question about his parents!!!and this from a guy who is just like one of us when u meet him first few times.
    how many people can u keep talking to !!! Its diappointing and annoying